I have become too obsessed with PostSecret. Honestly, I thought they were dumb when I first heard about them, and now regret ever thinking such blasphemous things. Trust me, this will not be the only mention of PostSecret in this blog.
I am currently sitting in Terminal 5 of John F. Kennedy International Airport. I am waiting for my flight out to Rochester back to school. For the past four-ish months, I’ve been back home in the Bronx where I had some well-needed rest, reconnected with friends, disconnecting with others, and making completely new connections with great people. It has been a great summer. I finished my freshman year of college with flying colors. I had my first job. I organized myself and my life better. I started to like my family a whole lot more. And I found a teensy, weensy bit of direction in life, too.
Here’s where the PostSecret comes in. I have a folder of postcards that I have saved over the past few months, and one that I can recall like the back of my hand says, “College has made me lose the sense of what home is.”
At this point, I’m feeling a tiny bit antsy about going back to school (but being at the airport has made it better, and I’m sure that by the time I actually get there, I’ll feel better about it). I feel like a freshman again. A crapload of new obstacles are being placed in front of me, and I’m not sure how well I’ll deal with them. And just as I feel like I was getting settled back at “home,” I’m jetting back to Rochester. Actually, thinking about the situation again, I feel like a sophomore. I’m stuck between home and school, and I don’t know which I like more, and I don’t know... a lot of things. I just don’t know enough right now. I know more than I did as a freshman, but that’s why it’s even more daunting to return to school than it was to go for the first time a year ago.
As a freshman, I had no expectations. I was leaving everything that I thought was home behind and being put somewhere completely new. And it was great. And now, after going back home, I see how much I love being there while missing what it was like to be at college. And now, I’m straddling between the two, and I’m just confused.
It’s a little too early for me (and I had far too little sleep) to really think of something profound to say, but there’s definitely a point to what I’m writing. I hope.
I think my flight will be boarding really soon, so I’ll cut this short. But I hope that I’ll be able to figure out what home is. For me.
I feel that you should keep in mind that home is where the heart is. Yes you may be missing things back where your family is and where you can make those connections, but being away isn't going to make that place disappear.
ReplyDeleteThat place, and those people will be there when you get back, and the opportunities to do many of the same things that you learned to enjoy this summer will still be there.
I encourage you to look at college not as a place to lose home, but a place to create a different kind of home for yourself. It's filled with many of the same opportunities and you're playing only a slightly different role. You're approaching that point in life where you're going to become more independent and want to set out on your own and make big life choices, and (un)fortunately that's going to include finding where you're going to live and how you can make that space home.
College is a testing ground. Enjoy the time you have with your family and in the Bronx in general, but realize that will be there I can guarantee (at least for the near future). Gain inspiration and take the plunge in the next step of your life. Take obstacles head on, and don't let anyone tell you no.
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CJ