My name is Paul Vergara. I am 19 years old from the Bronx, New York, and I am currently a sophomore at the University of Rochester. And I am gay. And trust me. It gets better.
Now I’m not really sure what to say in this video other than the fact that I’m proof that it really gets better.
I’m pretty sure I figured out that I was different when I was around ten, or maybe even earlier… I’m pretty sure, if I can recall correctly, that I had a crush on a Puerto Rican boy in my first grade class named Jeffrey.
I grew up in a pretty ghetto neighborhood that most people would consider dangerous, even though I considered it home. I was already an anomaly being what seemed like the only Asian person in a predominantly Hispanic and Black community. I always stood out. And looking back on it now, I’m happy that I did because it helped me develop into the person I am now. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be the same if that weren’t the case.
Anyway, I never had really close childhood friends with whom I confided, and I wasn’t the closest to my family, so by the time middle school came around, I really turned to books to find solace. I came across the book “Rainbow Boys,” a gay teen novel, in the library, and that inspired me to find other books on the subject and other sources online. I think it was then when I realized that I was gay. At the end of the seventh grade, I came out to my class.
The thing is, I was never shameful. I never hid anything; I never tried to pretend. I know that for most people, this wasn’t the case. I was very fortunate. I’m still kind of against the whole “coming out” thing, and I never really officially did to my family. It was just kind of generally accepted without any big hoopla, and I think that’s the way it should be. And apparently my mother suspected it all along, anyway. I think that being gay, as important as it is, is such a miniscule part of my identity. I’m still a nerd. I still like to sing. I still really enjoy peanut butter and nutella sandwiches. And I’m gay. It’s not a big deal.
I know I’ve been teased. Every person who is “different” gets teased. But I know I’ve always used it as fuel. Yes, I’m different. And that’s what makes me so interesting. As much as I was teased, I had so much support, and without this support, I know I would have wanted to harm myself. I know I’ve cried myself to sleep many a time, but it’s all part of growing up. I didn’t think it was because I was gay. It was because I was a teenager. I didn’t think that anything was wrong with me. I was just as fucked up as any other person my age… gay or straight.
In high school, I was even more privileged. I went to the Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music and Art and Performing Arts in the center of New York City. The school was a haven for artistic, misunderstood children, and it was a place where I was truly embraced. There were so many other “weird” students, and I found many other gay people who were proud of who they were: other students, other teachers, and so many other different kinds of people in the middle of the big city, who became my friends, confidantes, and role models. It was a beautiful four years because I was able to be myself in a nurturing environment, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world.
I’m pretty sure that the greatest moment of my young life thus far was when I was chosen to give a speech at my graduation in front of all the people who helped me become who I am today. In front of 3,000 people, I gave a speech where I was able to be myself and be praised for it. I will always remember that moment.
I know that my own experiences growing up gay have been a lot easier than most, and I know that it’s usually a very, very difficult situation. But my own story is proof that there are people there who will unwillingly give you support and who will accept you for who you are. My personal journey is an example that there is hope out there. There are people out there who love you and understand you, and you are not alone.
I know that people have become so much more accepting, and I’m happy to see that shift. People are really seeing that gay rights are an important issue, and that the injustices must be overturned. As a society, we are more tolerant than 5 years ago, and significantly more tolerant than 5, 10, and 20 years before that. I see so many strides in the right direction, and we can’t give up our fight. Think about how much we can achieve 5 or 10 years from now. Think about how much we can change our world. Your voice can be part of that movement… as long as you make your voice heard.
We all have our own stories, each worth telling. Each has its share of joy, pain, happiness, and hardship. Most importantly, we will all find love. Each person has the right to pursue love and find it in whichever person they choose. We all must realize that love is out there waiting for us, and it is a bumpy, fucked up road to find it, but it’s out there. And it’s worth the wait.
I would like to leave with this final thought. It may suck. But that’s what makes us persevere and it’s what makes us stronger. There are so many resources out there like the generous people at the Trevor Project who are more than willing to help through times of trouble. After all the struggles, you will surely come out being a better person because you will be yourself. And it gets better. But only if you stick around to make it that way. We’re on the way to something magnificent, and it’s our job to get there.
Take it from me. As I look back, I’m so happy to be standing here a proud, gay man waiting to take on the world one day at a time. And trust me. It gets better.
Thank you.
