Scatterbrained Thoughts at 6AM: "Normal"

I only write when I’m at home.  More specifically, I only write on the subway… for the most part.  If you know anything about me, you should know that I write primarily about the people I see on the subway (usually attractive men) and the rants that follow as a result of seeing them.  One of my dreams is to publish a selection of these accounts in a book called “The Subway Stories.”  But that’s beside the point.

I really don’t know what it is that compels me to write on the subway.  The past three months have not been void of thought; if anything, it has been the complete opposite.  However, I have just not been inspired to write anything down.  Until now.

I sit on this 1 train at 3AM on a Saturday after a hilariously spectacular night out on the town with wonderful friends.  This is how all of my New York City nights end.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Tonight, there are an unnatural amount of couples in my train car.  Actually, there are only 3 in my immediate line of vision, but those three are very touchy and close.  There’s one couple in front of me.  They look foreign.  There’s just a look to people when they look foreign.  I assumed that they were French.  Or maybe Scandinavian.  Or a French-Scandinavian mix.  I’m not sure how often those two groups intermingle.

Anyway, the girl is resting herself on the male who is cradling her like an infant, delicately and lovingly.  She is knocked out.  He is more alert.  He opens his eyes every now and then, and they look absolutely bloodshot.  He could possibly be drunk.  He is visibly distressed and exhausted.  We found each other staring at the other, and he just gave me a look of pure pain.  But then he just nestled himself closer to his girl, and it just looked serene.  Their hair became one jumbled mess of blonde-brown strands.  It was beautiful the comfort they found in each other.  I wanted that.

But then I got to thinking.  If I were to do this with another man on the train, would it be weird?  Awkward?  Yeah, first I’d have to find a man to hold me like that (or vice versa… I’m not trying to be close-minded at all).  But once I did find one, would it creep people out?  I’m sure it would.  I know I’d be very curious if I saw it.  I think I could easily be the only person noticing the “typical heterosexual” couple in front of me, but if two men or two women were to do the same, it would probably cause a silent commotion and induce feelings of shock, awe, or disgust amongst my other passengers.  I know I’d be staring.  And I’m pretty sure that it would probably make other people significantly more uncomfortable than if it were a straight couple.

I would love to see the day when we don’t give gay couples this weary second glance.  Gay love is the same as straight love, isn’t it?  So why do we look at it like it’s such an alien concept?  I want to see the day when it’s not appalling or confusing or provocative.  Just normal.  And I’d love to be normal on the train with my hypothetical man one day.